Gender in our Home
When I turned 30 I had a daughter,
A beautiful remarkable daughter,
She was so much like me and yet nothing like me.
She was quiet, observant, and cautious
I am loud, extrovert, spontaneous.
She loved structure; and would arranged her foods in patterns.
She sorted her toys by colours.
She loved building and creating.
Every time my husband lifted an IKEA box to fix she would be right by his side with her screw driver and other tools.
When I met my husband I used my stiletto heels to hammer in nails, just to explain how much I wasn’t interested in such things.
But once I had this wonderful being in my lap,
I decided I would learn everything she was interested in learning.
I nurtured her love for the colour blue
I sat with Lego blocks for hours without being able to create anything while she meticulously built towers.
She received a bunch of dolls and make believe toys but that was never her thing.
She is 7 now and she has still never sat by herself engrossed in make believe play.
And that’s perfectly ok.
My daughter was cheered on by friends, teachers , everyone for breaking gender stereotypes, for doing things that ‘girls didn’t normally do’
My son was born and he was another surprise.
He loved to dance, to twirl, to smile.
He was gentle and soft spoken.
He stayed by my side, holding my hand most of the time.
He never jumped on the sofa or wrote on the walls,
He plays with the Barbies and Marvel action heroes, the Paw Patrols and creates scenarios of his own.
He loves to cook me fancy meals in his play kitchen and just yesterday helped me a fancy salad.
Unlike my daughter he is not celebrated for doing things ‘boys don’t normally do’ instead I see the concern in people’s eyes.
I field away ignorant commentary at the rainbows on his cloths or his favourite colour being yellow and red.
I allow him to be himself, without the outside worlds judgement.
The gender bias between the two kids became even more evident when both started dancing ballet. It is one of the few activities they both LOVE.
To have a brown daughter doing ballet – what a feat!
To have a brown son- silence… raised eyebrows…crooked smiles.
While the comments haven’t affected him, he has noticed that there are so few boys in dance, in the books we read. When he was three he asked me, pointing at the pages of a picture book, “but mama where is me.”
Being a storyteller I decided to address that.
I am well aware of the gender stereotypes that exist and the prejudice that reproduce them. But in my house each child of mine is a little human with their own interests, personality and temperament. That and only that is what determines how I parent them.
Given how different they are from each other, they rarely get the same treatment and we often repeat at home that “being fair doesn’t mean getting the same thing.“
One example is when I want to give them a special snack, my sons favourite would be cured salami or salted pretzel, while my daughter would love a juicy mango and candy. They often trade snacks at other people’s house because they know one likes the salty and the other the sweet.
One of the simplest ways to address some of these gender stereotypes is to see the child as an individual.
To offer them choices .
To introduce new toys and activities.
ALL toys are for ALL children
ALL colours are for ALL children- it’s up to them to choose, not just between just blue and pink.. there is so much more out there.
Open up possibilities, through introducing role models , there are incredible books that give children dreams to aspire for. Dreams that aren’t boxed into gender stereotypical roles.
ALL children can be great cooks, florists, architects, managers, nurses, creators etc etc etc..
If a child can dream it they can become it.
This May 2021 I am releasing a new picture book. illustrated by Sawyer Cloud, Ballet with Heart is the next adventure for Louis and Ella. Join them as they start ballet classes.
This unique book which promotes inclusion, tells the story of friendship and the love of dance for ALL children.
Support our crowdfunding by pre-ordering your book :
Get a Sneak-Peek below!
Ballet with Heart
